My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
