Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
