No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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