Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
