Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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