Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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