I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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