kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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