I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
