Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
