he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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