I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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