it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
