I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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