am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
