the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
