I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
