You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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