We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
