Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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