keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize