Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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