Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
