I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
