hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
this will be a night to untag.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
