Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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