i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
