dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
