she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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