It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
