i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Damn victory sex feels great
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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