I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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