Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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