it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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