u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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