Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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