We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
