dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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