just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
