I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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