Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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