I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize