The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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