Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
