so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Farmville is her only friend.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
