OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
