could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize