I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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