Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
