Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
