i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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