The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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