dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
