After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
