you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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