Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
