I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
