i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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