Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
