im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
