shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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