before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
