"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I could fuck to npr.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
