There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
