I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
