I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
