chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I want is dick and wine.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize