Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
