theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
