We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
