They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
