Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
