Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
