I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
