if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
