Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize