nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
