Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
