I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
