Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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