i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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