peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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