I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
