Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hello my rib-scented angel!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
