I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
