There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
