Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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