i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
