Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
