my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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