It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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