I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
