the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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