I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
