11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
