did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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