So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
