I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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