when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize