I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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