I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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