Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
