After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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