his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
