she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
